Tuesday, December 14, 2010
December 8 - Beautifully Different
What makes me different... What do I do that makes others light up... Why is this such a hard question? I am different because I want to see you smile. I want to do something that makes you feel that surge of warm happiness inside, because I know how rare that feeling is. I will tell you the truth. Whether is showing you how beautiful you are in a photo I take, to sitting there online as you open up and vent... I will do it. Oh, I probably say the wrong thing at too many times. But trust me, when I do I feel even crappier than you do. Does this make me different, and beautiful? I don't know. But its what I have.
December 9 - Party
I have no true social life. So, selecting which party "rocked my socks off" was a very slim selection. Of course any social gathering I have with my friends is always amazing. I miss them all, alot. But I guess the only actual party I went to this year, that comes to mind at least, was the NaNoWriMo KickOff Party.
Come on, a room full of other Portland peers, all there for one reason: Their love of writing. How much better can that get? Yes, we supplied ourselves quite nicely with candy and soda. Then we sat and talked about our novel ideas, our triumphs, and our expected fails. It was more than awesome. It was the gathering I have been craving. The permission to be the geek that I am.
December 10 - Wisdom
The wisest decision I made this year. It would most likely have to be the decision to ignore all my fears and rational thoughts, and accept the WriMo challenge. I know I talk a ton about it. And for good reason. I should have chickened out of it. Come on... write a novel in 30 days? While having two kiddos, keeping house, plus who knows what else? Anyway, I never had finished any novel. I knew I wouldn't finish this. How could I?
I ignored my thoughts though, and let the challenge happen. What happened? You should know. I finished my first rough draft ever. And I feel amazing, even to this day. I am one huge step closer to accomplishing a dream I have had for my entire life, and that there makes it a VERY wise decision.
December 11 - 11 Things
11 things in my life that I don't need in 2011. Oh my...
1. My laziness. How many bills have been late, how many dishes have stacked high, how many photos do I still have to edit... all because I sit and think "Oh, I am just... going to do that later." I need to kick myself in the butt much more... and get off my butt in a sense and do the things I want and have to do. Life is waiting people!
2. My weakness. I feel physically week. And its not cool. I used to be in track, and good at it. I liked my body (well, enough... who really loves their body?) I even had some muscle in my arms that was a feminine flex worthy. Now... I feel like flab. So, I need to get back on my exercising bus.
3. Stacks of laundry. You know the drill. Let the basket fill up until its spilling out. Wash everything. Let the pile of clean clothes sit for weeks, until most are either dirty again or so wrinkly that they need to be washed again anyway. And... repeat. I am an expert at this. Its an expertise I wish I did not have. So, laundry, watch it. I am coming for you.
4. Spending. I am not a horrible spender. But I do know I spend a few extra bucks here and there when I really do not need to. Yes, we need our goodies. But I need to make it a prize, not an impulse.
5. On that note... Debt. We are in it, who isn't? Well, I don't want to be anymore. Credit cards were a BAD idea, and that idea is now being smacked upside the head and sent bye-bye. come tax returns, chunks will be paid, cards will be snipped, and we will make our way out of the stress of the in debt life.
6. No Me-Time. I am a stay at home mommy of two amazing little boys, and my husband works long hours at work. I love my "job," but the issue with being a SAHM is... you never get time off. Day, night, its all the same. And I am going nuts. I feel lost... Writing is one of my ways out. But I need to actually GET out.
7. Diet. I do not diet. I am very much so on the see food diet, and I love it. My issue? I don't eat the healthiest. I skip meals... I eat lots of candy... Mt Dew... I love you Mt Dew. This is most likely a leading reason why I always feel so weak, and lazy... So, "healthier" foods, whatever you end up being, time to be munched.
8. Exhaustion. I need to get to bed earlier. Enough said.
9. Finger biting. This is my bad habit. I don't bite my nails... but more so the skin around them. It hurts, all the time. And doesn't look pretty either. It has been a bad habit of mine since late elementary school, and I hate it. But I never seem able to stop. I need to. I have no idea how I will go about doing that, but now that I have stated it, I am bound.
10. Loneliness. Granted, some loneliness you cannot avoid. It is part of life. But I could try to get out more. Get to church more. Arrange play dates more. Go on hubby dates. Lots of things. I need to chase away the loneliness.
11. My excuses to not write. Pretty much fixing everything I just listed will help with this. I have been working hard on writing more, and it feels amazing. This next year... I need to keep that up. I am me when I write, and what is better than that?
December 12 - Body Integration
Well, naturally, I felt pretty integrated with my body this year when I gave birth to my little boy. That is probably one of the most in tune events you can experience. Since then though... I have been at sorts. Being chunky and preggo the first half of the year then spending the rest trying to get that to go away does a number on your integration.
December 13 - Action
"Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?" My next step is so obvious I feel like a broken record for repeating it as often as I do. Ready? EDIT!
December 14 - Appreciate
I have truly come to appreciate this little family of mine. Though they drive me crazy, wear me out, and try me every second of the day... where was I going with that? No, really... I sit and watch my kiddos play and grow. I kiss my hubby, listen to him talk and laugh. And I realize how truly lucky I am to have this amazing family I have helped to create. Baby number two wasn't planned, not on our end. But with out him, our family was never complete. I love all my boys, so much, and am so thankful every day that I got to draw this straw.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
(I posted this on my writing blog, and thought it would be nice to post here too!)
A writing friend of mine, Kim, posted this on her blog. I totally love the idea behind it, so I am stealing it from her and doing it too. It will be a great way to get my brain moving again, in prep for the mad editing I have laying in wait ahead of me.
According to their website: "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what's next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both."
Simply, they give you a prompt a day, and you answer it. In interest of the fact that I am still not a decent blogger, I am going to just do a weekly post of that week's prompts, instead of daily. So, let's dive in shall we!
December 1 - One Word
My one word for 2010 would have to be "showcase." This wasn't the easiest year for me. Aside from some personal issues that need not be delved into, we had huge bill problems, birthed a baby, depression came back full swing, both kids got dislocated arms, oh the list can go on. Its no where near as bad as other people's lists, but still, it is my list. The year wasn't all bad though. We got our newest family member, who is one of the cutest babies ever. I finished my first draft of my first novel. Good things have happened. And I hope more do next year. Hence my word for the coming year to be "Hopeful."
December 2 - Writing
"Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?" (Author: Leo Babauta)
Things that don't contribute to my writing... let's see... First thing that comes to my mind are my kiddos. I can't eliminate them, but I'm sure I can find a better balance that what I have right now. Other than that: Facebook, StumbleUpon, the internet in general. Reading books. Wanting to sleep or just zone out mindlessly into television. Yeah... I have a lot prioritizing to work on come 2011!
December 3 - Moment
Its hard to pick a moment in which I felt most alive. Do I pick the birth of my second son? Writing the last sentence in my first novel? They are so close to being a tie...So here, I will pick the one that takes up a little less time :)
I sat at my computer, typing like mad, knowing how close I was to finally finishing. Some how I had succeeded in getting both kiddos to take naps, and the apartment was silent aside from my music lightly playing and the mad tap-tap of the keyboard.
I didn't know exactly when it would end. I had not fully planned it. Until that final sentence was written and I stopped and stared. That was it. I couldn't go on. This was the end. My heart fluttered and jumped, a strange mix of pure joy and odd anxiety. Had I said enough? Not enough? Did I really just finish the first draft? I did it!
I sat back and couldn't stop staring, a smile spreading on my face. I could have ran for miles that day. I felt like shouting in joy, bursting into tears, laughing like a maniac. I was alive.
December 4 - Wonder
Cultivating a sense of wonder... I do not need to cultivate. I have two imaginative little boys that keep me laughing at the wonders of life every second of the day. So I guess you could say I cultivated it when I conceived each of them... which wasn't this year... so it doesn't count. Along with that, I did remake my dining room into my writing den. I really do think it helped, a lot, with my writing adventures. It is wonder...full...
December 5 - Let Go
This is hard. This is something I am still working on, and have not yet fully succeeded. But what I let go of was: The battle for love. I always feel like I need to try hard, to always get everyone to love me and want me around. But the thing is, how often does that backfire? How often am I just wearing myself out on a useless case? This is something I have done my entire life, and just this year I realized that I needed to change it. If they are going to love me, they will love me. I shouldn't need to try so hard, every second of the day. I am me. Love me or leave me.
December 6 - Make
This year I made a lot of things. A baby for one. :) And I have gotten back into baking and cooking. Discovering a tuna casserole my husband will actually eat. Banana chocolate chip cookies. My first ever apple pie. Oh yes, and I "made" a novel. The first draft anyhow. Materials: my brain and insanity. What do I want to make next year? Hm... the final draft? Maybe? Oh, and my first successful loaf of bread. Yeast, I will not kill you this time, I swear!
December 7 - Community
This has been something hard for me, living down here. Up on the island I lived on my entire life, the sense of community was so strong you could eat it. Here... not so much. I have felt almost lost. Then came November and I met my online, occasionally in person, community of writers. They made me like this area, finally. WriMos, I love you. This next year I hope to stay in contact with them more, attend the random writing groups that are hopefully forming... in essence: Be a writer.
(even though today is the 9th, I want to only do one week's prompts at a time. So... on the 14th there shall be more!)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Believe it or not, I DO exist! I can't believe the last time I updated this was when I was 30 weeks along with Conner. I kept thinking to myself that I need to get on here and tell everyone the happenings in our lives, but each time I would, something would distract me and I would forget. oo, shiney...
I apologize to those of you who do not facebook and have been missing out on the photos and updates of the last few months. But, in the interest of time, I will just begin from NOW...and someday catch up on everything else in more detail some other time!
First! Conner Zachary Merritt was born May 28th! We decided on his full name a few hours after he was born (took a bit of a debate...) He is such an amazing little man! My labor was VERY fast and easy (I do need to post a post about that...) and there were no complications at all, thank goodness.
Conner will be turning 6 months old in just a few days. Oh my! I can't believe how much time has flown. He is such a happy little man, always wanting to cuddle and be loved. I find it amazing how different your children truly can be. Rylend was always out for a laugh, crawling by 5 months, two teeth in and weaned by four. Conner...he is still all gums, all smiles, and just mastered the rolling stage of life. And my oh my is he a love, always wanting to cuddle and make sure everyone nearby is loving him too. He has been such an amazing addition to our family, and I am SO thankful for him! He is my little Conman, and he knows it.
Rylend. This boy is growing fast! He is now obsessed with Santa Claus (I am very glad to see the Halloween and "ooOOooo" obsession go away for the time being!) and is always talking up a storm. I have recently discovered the singer Mika, and whenever I play his CD, Rylend busts out in awesome dancing. I wish I knew where he got all of this non stop energy...and that he would share some with mommy! He is also now obsessed with baking, and loves to count whenever he gets the chance. Smarty.
We have just decided that this bag of diapers will be the last. Hopefully. We attempted potty training a few months ago and it was an epic fail. But now Rylend is barely fitting into the size 6 diapers, and is more than ready in every other aspect. So...wish us luck! I can't believe he is over 2 1/2 now...
Shane. Shane got a promotion at work and is very happy with it. He loves the responsibility and choices he has now been given. I love seeing how happy he is, most days, when he comes home from work. Only problem with his new position is he has to deal with the more stupid side of people more often...but Shane is amazing and handles it with ease.
Me. I have healed up great from having Conner. Am back into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Am exhausted every day after chasing after, feeding, and loving my little boys. I finally donated my hair like I have been wanting to for years (cut off about 14 inches!) And on top of that:
I did NaNoWriMo this year. (National Novel Writing Month...write 50,000 words in 30 days!) I was so afraid I would fail...but an amazing friend of mine joined with me and by day 14...I had won! I am still a tiny bit off from finishing the first draft of my novel, but man does winning feel amazing! All I win is a printable certificate and bragging rights, but really, that's all I need. Who knows how far this novel will go...but at least now I know I can do it! (If you want to follow my writing, follow my blog at jennimerritt.blogspot.com )
Phew! Talk about summarizing 6 months in a few very short paragraphs! I can't promise how often I will update this now, but I am aiming for AT LEAST once a month. I hope you all are doing awesome! Please comment me and let me know anything and everything... I miss everyone! Being a stay at home mom away from most people I know can suck. But aside from my non stop mommy duties, I am trying to find ways to stay distracted and busy... :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Everything is going great. Baby's heartbeat was at 140, and I am still measuring just right. Can you believe I am 30 weeks now?? Well, to be super technical, I am about 30.5 weeks...haha! Shane and I keep finding we have moments where we "realize" how close we are. We just look at each other and say "Wow..." We are so excited, but very nervous too. Two kiddos is a big step from one. Breathe...
Aside from the indigestion, back pain, pelvic pain, exhaustion, and other such things...I am doing great. Definitely feeling huge! The baby looooves to move, so much that it actually hurts pretty often, which isn't fun. But it is still awesome to see my stomach doing the baby dance. And Rylend loves to kiss it and blow raspberries...VERY cute
Oh, and for those of you who wonder: No, we have not settled on a name yet. Middle name is for sure Zachary. But as for the first name...well we don't need it set until we are leaving that hospital. We have a few we do like (the two in the lead are Conner and Jackson) but nothing is definite yet. So...you all just have to be patient until little baby boy #2 is born!
I thought to add these photos just for fun. Rylend LOVES stickers. And decided that today, mommy's belly needed to be decorated. It was too fun. I love my little man :)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
As most of you know, I love to write. But I also suck at actually getting about to DOING it. This last weekend Shane took me to the bookstore and had me pick out some writing books, since we can't afford for me to take the classes I would love to take. Then I got an idea. I started a writing blog. One of the books I got is a writing prompts book, and I have set myself a goal: Write a prompt a day. Hopefully it will get me back into the swing of writing and I just may finish one of my books...someday. I post my prompts on the blog, along with other facts and tips I find about writing. I am really liking this and am excited about it. Sadly, I haven't got much feedback, or any I guess, but then again, I did just start it. If you ever feel like taking a look through the new blog, please do! Then...comment to me so I know you did! Its something I am really working on. Something for myself amidst all the mommy duties of my life. And I do need support. I just thought to let you all know! Here is the link
"Writing is a journey, not an event"
I haven't been very good at updating this blog lately...sorry about that! I'm not sure how many of you are reading it, but I like to think I am keeping someone out there updated. This entry will be about *drumroll* Rylend!
Can you believe he will be two in just about 2 weeks? Its just crazy. I can't believe how big he is getting! And smart too. VERY smart. People we meet all think he is at least three. Even my doc, who just met him for the first time today, was surprised to hear he wasn't even two yet. My little man is now fitting into most 4t shirts, and 3t pants. Almost size 9 shoes...crazy crazy.
He is really talking more too. The other day he was hiding in the cupboard under the tv (he thinks its a fort) and I was asking him questions. He kept answering "No" and "Um...no" so I asked "Why do you keep saying no?" His response? "I not sayin no!" Oh my... sadly though, he is also very much so, full blown, in his terrible twos. I have been at wits end too many times to count now. Temper tantrums, demanding, refusing to nap, screeching... I can't wait for this phase to GO AWAY, ha.
Then he does something cute, and I remember why I love him. His new ritual? Every morning he wakes up, then comes into our room. Climbs into our bed and snuggles down between us, says "nigh night" then dozes back off for a bit with us. I love it. I wake up finally to him saying "oh mama" all loving, hugging me, then jumping on the bed. Its a nice start. With Shane's new work schedule, he is home in the mornings. So now the boys have breakfast together as mommy rests a little more. They have found the joy in building forts with blankets and giggle inside together, its quite cute. Then I come out of the room "mama!" and a happy boy running to hug me...most days.
Rylend obsessions? Lately it has been "Ty-ee" (Thomas the steam engine), "Caws" (Pixar's Cars), "Buzzy" (Toy Story), and of course "Ah-mee" (Walle). He has some shoes with Thomas on them, and runs around carrying them yelling "Ty-ee Ty-eeeee!" Also, he has started to grab my hand, then hold it tight as he pulls me to his room. Then he makes me sit down and we HAVE to play with all his toys. Today he pulled me in, sat me on his bed, then said "shh" and walked out of the room shutting the door. Whenever I tried to leave, he pushed me back in and shut the door again, saying "shh" I guess it was my nap time...
He is quite an amazing little boy. He knows where the baby is (pats and blows raspberries on my belly), yells "I did it!" everytime he does anything, and is already ready to great anyone with a hi and share big hugs. My little man...getting big! And before we know it, he will have a little brother to teach all of his "darling" tricks to.
Ok, pregnancy update. Everything is going fine. I went in and saw my doc for my checkup today. He measured my belly and told me that its measuring perfectly. Which is good, because I don't feel perfect; I feel HUGE. Shane and Rylend came too, and my doc let Rylend push the button on the little heartbeat-listening device. Rylend thought it was amazing to push the bitton. I love hearing that heartbeat. Today also was the "beloved" glucose test. Luckily this time I got orange flavor instead of fruit punch (I hate normal fruit punch...glucose enhanced fruit punch was AWFUL!) I wont know the results from that test for a bit, but I'm sure it was fine. I can tell you one thing though...not wanting that orange soda now that's sitting in my fridge! (mmm but pineapple sounds good. ultimate craving this time around = fresh pineapple. Can't have enough!)
I have been having REALLY bad back pain with this pregnancy. Probably doesnt help that I have to pick up my son constantly, who I just found out is now in the 90th percentile for weight (about 32 lbs) and the 80th for height (35 inches). The baby is sitting lower than Rylend did too. My doc gave me a vicoden prescription. The one time I tried it...it did nothing. Just my luck huh? And there are days where whenever I move around, I have to hold my belly because my lower ab/pelvic area HURTS. Yeah...maybe I'm not fully enjoying this pregnancy this time around...but I am still very excited to have the little boy soon! (About names...we think we know the name, but have decided to not fully announce it to the world just yet. Just in case!) Oh, and I waddle. That should make some of you chuckle.
Everything is going good though. I am now at the point where I will see my doc every two weeks (oooo) I DO have a baby registry at Amazon. I have set everything to the priority we need it...just click "sort by priority." There are still things we need...but we are almost there!
Ok, heres the pics!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Today marks 24 weeks pregnant! I cant believe I am now 6 months along...its crazy! I dont really have much new to report since my last post. I see my doc again in a few weeks. Until then, just feeling this little guy squirm and move around. And watching my belly slowly grow bigger and bigger. I am to that lovely point where I go to bed and can't fall asleep until about midnight or one. Then I wake up every time I want to change position. Then I have to go to the bathroom. Then...sigh I feel like I never sleep. And I never know during the day if Rylend will nap that day or not. I am pretty worn out.
Oh! But at least some good news, for once. Shane got his promotion at work. Its a small raise once he is trained...and new hours. He will be home during the early part of the day and working at night now. We are excited for the change and hopeful money increase...but I will miss him. We went in the other day to apply for food stamps. Yes, we are at that point. Can you believe this? We BARELY qualified. Like...we are right at the cut off line. So the help we are getting is barely anything...I hate this cut off line. They seem to only help the people who dont work at all, and rarely help the ones who are TRYING to work, just not earning enough. But a little is still something...I guess.
Ever since we set up Rylend's big kid bed, we have made it a night time routine to say family prayer before he goes to sleep. And he loves it. He jumps into his bed and Shane and I kneel on the floor by it. We take turns saying it every other night, and Rylend folds his arms, bows his head, and is very quiet until we say amen. I love it. The other day I was at the computer and he was playing with some toys in the living room. Suddenly he ran over to me and made me fold my arms. Then he folded his, bowed his head, and glanced at me. I got the hint and said a quick, small prayer. After I finished he looked at me, smiled, said "Amen!" then ran off to play again. Its moments like those that your heart melts. I will be sad when our routine changes and Shane isn't home anymore for night time prayer. But we have decided we will start morning prayer once the change happens. I love it. I love my little family.
Ok, here are my 24 week preggo pics for all those of you who wanna see the bulge!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Anyway! Here are some photos I have snapped of his new bed and him. Hope you like! My little man...getting bigger!
And yes, it is still a boy haha. We are starting to settle on the name. Its still a spelling battle for us, but I have a feeling it will end up Conner Zachary Merritt. (I like the "e" better so there!)
Here are the ultrasound pics. I will take another belly pic...soon...
Friday, January 22, 2010
Yup! The half way mark has now come...and gone. Crazy how time flies huh? Before we know it, we will be having another little boy in our home. I am still mega nervous about that. But I think we will do ok. Right now Rylend is obsessed with babies. Everytime he sees one, he just HAS to yell out "BABY!" and run up to kiss it. Last night I put a diaper on his kitty...oh man he loved that. He kept giggling and saying "poo poo" then kissing his "baby" and carrying it around.
We went up to the island this last week for a visit. 9i will post an entry later with more pics from that) While there, my friend Jessie threw me a small baby shower. Only about 5 or so people showed up, but we had fun. Jessie, Megan and her mom went in together and got us the new diaper bag we wanted. We love the one we have, but it will NOT be big enough for two kiddos. The brand is called Dadgear. Its amazing! We got the backpack version...and I have promised myself I will not wear it in until the baby is here. (If you want to check out the bags, the website is www.dadgear.com) Also, my friend Jamie handed down her pack and play to us. AWESOME since we REALLY needed that. The crib wont fit in our room and plus, we just dont own one. And you just HAVE to love hand-me-downs! We got a few other things too. A baby swing, clothes, some toys, and an awesome baby name book from my mom called "Sci-Fi Baby Names" Basically it just lists a ton of different names that have appeared in scifi movies...perfect book for us! Good choice mom! We only have a few more things that we need before this little guy gets here. Phew.
Last night I set up the pack and play in our room and started sorting baby stuff. I pulled out all the newborn and 0-3 month clothes we have, filled the bottom with baby toys, cuddled with the two baby blankets we got at the shower...I loved it. Rylend kept trying to put his kitty to bed in the pack and play, throwing it in and going "shh" I think Rylend is starting to notice something is about to change. He has become super needy of mommy, always needing to be in my lap or at my feet. In fact, he is sitting in my lap this very moment lol. Sigh...I love my little man.
So yes, we are in the last half now. I am feeling ok. My back is starting to hurt more, and the energy has yet to come back. I am very much so showing. You know, I really dont feel that big. Compared to my stomach at this time with Rylend, I am practically around the same size. So it really makes me self conscience when someone sees me and makes comments like "Wow! Sure its not twins!?" or "You so big already!" Really...wrong things to say to someone who is already out of their comfort zone. Then I spend the rest of the day feeling huge and fat...sigh. Just venting. The baby is moving a lot more. Some days I barely notice him. Others, like yesterday, it felt like he didnt STOP moving all day. And, just like with Rylend, everytime Shane rushes over to feel the baby move...it stops. Haha...
We are still working at the name game. We were liking Jackson for a while, but all of the Michael Jackson jokes got old REALLY fast, plus I didnt like how it was the number 3 name for 2009. Sigh. So now we are maybe thinking of Connor. Or Conner. Believe it or not, both spellings have a different meaning. Connor means wolf lover. Conner means hunter. I originally just found it and liked it. Then realized it is kinda after Shane's Grandpa Harward who passed a while ago (Conrad). Shane mostly likes it because its the last name of a character in one of his all time favorite movies. (John Conner...The Terminator...yeah lol) So yeah, we will see. My deadline is the baby must be named by the time we are leaving the hospital...in June...so we still have some time. Still, what do you think?
Connor Zachary Merritt...
or Conner Zachary Merritt...
Ok well to wrap this entry up for now...heres my belly! HA!