Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Reverb 10 - Week 2

December 8 - Beautifully Different

What makes me different... What do I do that makes others light up... Why is this such a hard question? I am different because I want to see you smile. I want to do something that makes you feel that surge of warm happiness inside, because I know how rare that feeling is. I will tell you the truth. Whether is showing you how beautiful you are in a photo I take, to sitting there online as you open up and vent... I will do it. Oh, I probably say the wrong thing at too many times. But trust me, when I do I feel even crappier than you do. Does this make me different, and beautiful? I don't know. But its what I have.

December 9 - Party
I have no true social life. So, selecting which party "rocked my socks off" was a very slim selection. Of course any social gathering I have with my friends is always amazing. I miss them all, alot. But I guess the only actual party I went to this year, that comes to mind at least, was the NaNoWriMo KickOff Party.
Come on, a room full of other Portland peers, all there for one reason: Their love of writing. How much better can that get? Yes, we supplied ourselves quite nicely with candy and soda. Then we sat and talked about our novel ideas, our triumphs, and our expected fails. It was more than awesome. It was the gathering I have been craving. The permission to be the geek that I am.

December 10 - Wisdom
The wisest decision I made this year. It would most likely have to be the decision to ignore all my fears and rational thoughts, and accept the WriMo challenge. I know I talk a ton about it. And for good reason. I should have chickened out of it. Come on... write a novel in 30 days? While having two kiddos, keeping house, plus who knows what else? Anyway, I never had finished any novel. I knew I wouldn't finish this. How could I?
I ignored my thoughts though, and let the challenge happen. What happened? You should know. I finished my first rough draft ever. And I feel amazing, even to this day. I am one huge step closer to accomplishing a dream I have had for my entire life, and that there makes it a VERY wise decision.

December 11 - 11 Things
11 things in my life that I don't need in 2011. Oh my...
1. My laziness. How many bills have been late, how many dishes have stacked high, how many photos do I still have to edit... all because I sit and think "Oh, I am just... going to do that later." I need to kick myself in the butt much more... and get off my butt in a sense and do the things I want and have to do. Life is waiting people!
2. My weakness. I feel physically week. And its not cool. I used to be in track, and good at it. I liked my body (well, enough... who really loves their body?) I even had some muscle in my arms that was a feminine flex worthy. Now... I feel like flab. So, I need to get back on my exercising bus.
3. Stacks of laundry. You know the drill. Let the basket fill up until its spilling out. Wash everything. Let the pile of clean clothes sit for weeks, until most are either dirty again or so wrinkly that they need to be washed again anyway. And... repeat. I am an expert at this. Its an expertise I wish I did not have. So, laundry, watch it. I am coming for you.
4. Spending. I am not a horrible spender. But I do know I spend a few extra bucks here and there when I really do not need to. Yes, we need our goodies. But I need to make it a prize, not an impulse.
5. On that note... Debt. We are in it, who isn't? Well, I don't want to be anymore. Credit cards were a BAD idea, and that idea is now being smacked upside the head and sent bye-bye. come tax returns, chunks will be paid, cards will be snipped, and we will make our way out of the stress of the in debt life.
6. No Me-Time. I am a stay at home mommy of two amazing little boys, and my husband works long hours at work. I love my "job," but the issue with being a SAHM is... you never get time off. Day, night, its all the same. And I am going nuts. I feel lost... Writing is one of my ways out. But I need to actually GET out.
7. Diet. I do not diet. I am very much so on the see food diet, and I love it. My issue? I don't eat the healthiest. I skip meals... I eat lots of candy... Mt Dew... I love you Mt Dew. This is most likely a leading reason why I always feel so weak, and lazy... So, "healthier" foods, whatever you end up being, time to be munched.
8. Exhaustion. I need to get to bed earlier. Enough said.
9. Finger biting. This is my bad habit. I don't bite my nails... but more so the skin around them. It hurts, all the time. And doesn't look pretty either. It has been a bad habit of mine since late elementary school, and I hate it. But I never seem able to stop. I need to. I have no idea how I will go about doing that, but now that I have stated it, I am bound.
10. Loneliness. Granted, some loneliness you cannot avoid. It is part of life. But I could try to get out more. Get to church more. Arrange play dates more. Go on hubby dates. Lots of things. I need to chase away the loneliness.
11. My excuses to not write. Pretty much fixing everything I just listed will help with this. I have been working hard on writing more, and it feels amazing. This next year... I need to keep that up. I am me when I write, and what is better than that?

December 12 - Body Integration
Well, naturally, I felt pretty integrated with my body this year when I gave birth to my little boy. That is probably one of the most in tune events you can experience. Since then though... I have been at sorts. Being chunky and preggo the first half of the year then spending the rest trying to get that to go away does a number on your integration.

December 13 - Action
"Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?" My next step is so obvious I feel like a broken record for repeating it as often as I do. Ready? EDIT!

December 14 - Appreciate
I have truly come to appreciate this little family of mine. Though they drive me crazy, wear me out, and try me every second of the day... where was I going with that? No, really... I sit and watch my kiddos play and grow. I kiss my hubby, listen to him talk and laugh. And I realize how truly lucky I am to have this amazing family I have helped to create. Baby number two wasn't planned, not on our end. But with out him, our family was never complete. I love all my boys, so much, and am so thankful every day that I got to draw this straw.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Reverb 10 - Week 1

(I posted this on my writing blog, and thought it would be nice to post here too!)

A writing friend of mine, Kim, posted this on her blog. I totally love the idea behind it, so I am stealing it from her and doing it too. It will be a great way to get my brain moving again, in prep for the mad editing I have laying in wait ahead of me.

According to their website: "Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what's next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both."

Simply, they give you a prompt a day, and you answer it. In interest of the fact that I am still not a decent blogger, I am going to just do a weekly post of that week's prompts, instead of daily. So, let's dive in shall we!

December 1 - One Word

My one word for 2010 would have to be "showcase." This wasn't the easiest year for me. Aside from some personal issues that need not be delved into, we had huge bill problems, birthed a baby, depression came back full swing, both kids got dislocated arms, oh the list can go on. Its no where near as bad as other people's lists, but still, it is my list. The year wasn't all bad though. We got our newest family member, who is one of the cutest babies ever. I finished my first draft of my first novel. Good things have happened. And I hope more do next year. Hence my word for the coming year to be "Hopeful."

December 2 - Writing

"Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?" (Author: Leo Babauta)

Things that don't contribute to my writing... let's see... First thing that comes to my mind are my kiddos. I can't eliminate them, but I'm sure I can find a better balance that what I have right now. Other than that: Facebook, StumbleUpon, the internet in general. Reading books. Wanting to sleep or just zone out mindlessly into television. Yeah... I have a lot prioritizing to work on come 2011!

December 3 - Moment

Its hard to pick a moment in which I felt most alive. Do I pick the birth of my second son? Writing the last sentence in my first novel? They are so close to being a tie...So here, I will pick the one that takes up a little less time :)

I sat at my computer, typing like mad, knowing how close I was to finally finishing. Some how I had succeeded in getting both kiddos to take naps, and the apartment was silent aside from my music lightly playing and the mad tap-tap of the keyboard.

I didn't know exactly when it would end. I had not fully planned it. Until that final sentence was written and I stopped and stared. That was it. I couldn't go on. This was the end. My heart fluttered and jumped, a strange mix of pure joy and odd anxiety. Had I said enough? Not enough? Did I really just finish the first draft? I did it!

I sat back and couldn't stop staring, a smile spreading on my face. I could have ran for miles that day. I felt like shouting in joy, bursting into tears, laughing like a maniac. I was alive.

December 4 - Wonder

Cultivating a sense of wonder... I do not need to cultivate. I have two imaginative little boys that keep me laughing at the wonders of life every second of the day. So I guess you could say I cultivated it when I conceived each of them... which wasn't this year... so it doesn't count. Along with that, I did remake my dining room into my writing den. I really do think it helped, a lot, with my writing adventures. It is wonder...full...

December 5 - Let Go

This is hard. This is something I am still working on, and have not yet fully succeeded. But what I let go of was: The battle for love. I always feel like I need to try hard, to always get everyone to love me and want me around. But the thing is, how often does that backfire? How often am I just wearing myself out on a useless case? This is something I have done my entire life, and just this year I realized that I needed to change it. If they are going to love me, they will love me. I shouldn't need to try so hard, every second of the day. I am me. Love me or leave me.

December 6 - Make

This year I made a lot of things. A baby for one. :) And I have gotten back into baking and cooking. Discovering a tuna casserole my husband will actually eat. Banana chocolate chip cookies. My first ever apple pie. Oh yes, and I "made" a novel. The first draft anyhow. Materials: my brain and insanity. What do I want to make next year? Hm... the final draft? Maybe? Oh, and my first successful loaf of bread. Yeast, I will not kill you this time, I swear!

December 7 - Community

This has been something hard for me, living down here. Up on the island I lived on my entire life, the sense of community was so strong you could eat it. Here... not so much. I have felt almost lost. Then came November and I met my online, occasionally in person, community of writers. They made me like this area, finally. WriMos, I love you. This next year I hope to stay in contact with them more, attend the random writing groups that are hopefully forming... in essence: Be a writer.

(even though today is the 9th, I want to only do one week's prompts at a time. So... on the 14th there shall be more!)